Strobe Shadow

"I'm gonna roll, man. God bless you. Goodbye, man."

Things she said to me
A death howl cry
the moon has gone down
No more wandering in the desert
It's too dark and footsteps
just land where they do
a spiny aggressive cactus with nice legs
I will mourn what could have been
Fuck God because of the Power of Her Forgetting.

She said something about hiding in a coffin of flowers
when the love of her life came looking for her
She undefines aberration
Goes where she wants
Loses everything

Things she said to me
Talking to my cock - she said what a good thing
and then, face twisting expression changing
her eyes got mean as they dragged
from my crotch - up my chest and lingered on my
man-nipples then slowly measured
the blood flow through the veins on my neck.
She looked on and loved my whiskers
loved the feel of them on her face now and
the remembrance of them in her pussy.
Then her eyes landed on mine
forceful and brilliant and sudden
her concentric rings of brown and dark-brown
ringed one after another on the spikes
of the brown, hazel-star explosions
of my eyes
and then she clutched.
The fear in her eyes was ancient.
And she said - "Now that's a bad man."
Looked in my eyes briefly then closed hers.

So many times in so many people I have seen it
A soul that has almost moved but won't
The fear, the fear.
And the man holding this pen and moving it
he's afraid, yes.
Where do you go from here?
When love has not existed then suddenly does?
All you really can do is try to remember
what was beautiful
what is
keep that foggy halo around rainbow memories
touch that golden sun every morning
dip your fingers into the new flavors
use that wider vision.

I've watched a rainbow give away it's secrets
I've heard the sun whisper things as it's thinking about rising
I've prayed to the moon while she was praying to me
I've spit up on my own shoes.

What is that thing there in your hands?
What are you going to do with it?
Where the fuck did you get that thing?
Holy Shit! - that might be worth something.

A certain amount of syllable
and the words that sound just right
abstract thoughts keep/kept tumbling down
not a damn bit of this
makes any fucking sense
but there it is it is what it is

I only have five arms to juggle with at this stage
in my growing
she was just too much
maybe after we've devolved a few times
back to something true
the Tao never is when it's defined

Mystery
the who you are
i want to and will
never know

Invidious
defending a lone truth
against an
irrational power

Beauty
meant to be
never allowed
secret silent - is

Lavender with a
deadly bright yellow
an alluring scent
two or three words between

The closer I get to a moving train
the more turbulence there is
my mind begins to spin
and then I am flash-hypnotized

I get to watch the show through the window
right before my eyes, Igor accidentally kills himself
and I'm not sure whether that was terror or
a great big smile when he died.

There's a place on this side of that side
where I live and it's quite real
bugs drop out of trees and gum sticks to your shoes
you get emails worth fortunes and
hey-how-ya-doin's from people
you don't know.
Some people have thoughts and
most of them don't.
Everyone feels something.
You can sit under a tree
on a piece of concrete or a log
watch the thunder and look for a place to light a candle
fabricate some temporary protection
put up a concerted effort at really caring.
Wait! - this is all about you - no, it's about me - no, it's
about us - or you - or me - or you
me didn't read you mind
you didn't read me mind
so we're both wrong --
and it would only be the right thing to try
so of course we won't
it would only be the right thing
and we're all smart and shit.

There was a young man from Nantucket
whose brain fit nice in a bucket
He listened and learned
worried and yearned

O happy day
My sweet Lord
O happy fucking day
My sweet fucking Lord
O fucking A!
Sweet Fuck Yeah!

Tell yourself invidious stories
of my odious nature
I will mourn the power
of your forgetting
If that sounds familiar I'm sure
it's because you've heard it before.

One drop at a time - this rain
falling almost secret
Surprise! - there's another one
didn't expect that now,
didja?

I gotta ask....
if you're so innocent,
why you got at least two pair of
crotchless hose and all them
devastating panties?
Why you keep that shaved?
Why it embarrasses you?

Mud formed
and solidified
temporary

yellow and black
caution!
she hides and
makes-believe
and you
are
culpable

She has flowers
she found in an
encyclopedia or a dictionary
and then she has flowers
she's been carrying around
every day of her life.
you can smell them on her
and if she wants to
she'll give you one.

the difference
between rain and tears -
a heartbeat

one foot moving forward
off-balance, alone
falls

shadow moving
in which direction?
that way!

dinosaurs in the distance
with no sound
and yeah, they're real

every word you say
infallible, immortal -
what?

Too much salt
and too much sugar
and not enough pepper, lemon,
or dirt.

Strobe shadow of passing train cars
rumbling distant rhythm
she reads me poems and sings a gentle memory
she leans her head on and holds me
she whispers her wisdom so quiet I can't hear
then sudden leaps and bites and tugs and pulls
accusations and fears and the full spectrum of anti-beauty
the easiest route is to wait
let her flood abate
give her time to distract herself
then she will again hold me and
for a brief time again
there will be love

It is the highest quality of love
captured in little bubble perfect moments
like I am swimming in a long river of shit
and when I lift my head to breathe
I inhale nectar.

- Igor Sapien, December 17, 2008