The Vital Blood

.3:15 pm

and it occurs to me that
every time i deliberately screw up
it is like saying fuck you
to anyone who has ever helped me:
those who love me;
generous strangers;
and God itself

every time i choose the bottle or
some selfish pleasure
over the pen or the brush
or lending a hand
every time i ignore someone else's need
when i could have helped
or at least cared
every time
i am pouring out the vital blood of God
into the dirt

every time you tell me
that you are hurt
and i don't listen
it is like saying
i don't love you

every time i see
lonely or scared eyes
and look away
i am severing myself
from humanity

every time i show intolerance
or make judgment
i am making my own faults
easier to see

every time i pretend
that nothing matters
i am writing myself
further out of existence