Attempted Train Epic 5

.3:47 pm 83 cars

stars stopped
can you believe it?
right there in front of my eyes
it was like running out of gas
my ass
no, really
and here comes another train
of thought - not this time
about stars - no now
we're talking abut cars
fuck cars
yeah, fuck cars and the
horse they rode in on

can you believe it?
there was once an imperception
that rode a straight line and
talked about hyperboles
that's right
all the way up - up and up and up
brought it right back down
clown frown
blah blah blah
am i gonna sit here wasting my time
writing about love and how i
wish it would come back?
am i gonna play with rhymes and rhythms?
am i gonna get real and say
what was meant to be said!

yes! and yes! and yes!
the words are here for a reason
we poeticals are slave to them
because deep inside someday
an unbearable truth will emerge
so purge the crap
put away the haikus about
how i miss you
because you're not going to answer me
you've already decided
and i can't waste my time like this

i'm done editing
shedding my real thoughts
it's all brutal
it's totally fucking brutal
either you're real or you're not
i know i am
your dark mysteries aren't so mysterious
basically you're afraid
of yourself
and you want to blame it on everyone else
we have that in common
what paranoid fantasies we invent
to protect ourselves from
being happy

i can't talk about being alone
when i chase away everyone
that's loved me

my long lists of things i like
my authors, my artists, my great thinkers
looking for someone who likes the same
what is this i'm looking for?
a clone?
one who will never disagree with me
so i'll never learn a god-damned thing?

do i need you
to reinforce what i already know?
or do i need someone
with a fresh package of wisdom
i can learn from?

i had given up on poetry in my youth
and she reminded me
that i was still a poet
i had given up on love
unhappily content with
being alone

now i remember which way
these feet were pointed when i started
now i remember what fuel it was
that set this train in motion
now i can look at myself
in the mirror again
no! i was never meant to be pathetic
yes! i was definitely put here
to shine.