Poem For Nicole

08.06.04.3:50pm

Hello. So far I haven't lost my mind. So far there actually seems to be hope. Stayed up again until 4am talking with Nicole more. We watched the subtitled movie, "Hiroshima Mon Amour." We sat on the front porch afterwards and talked about us. Oh my.

Anyways, here's what I wrote this afternoon:

Shared silence
shared whispers
long, empty spaces filled
with unspoken knowing

Gentle touches
secret glances
An endless ocean of mystery
lapping softly at the shores
of familiarity

Eyes
deep, wondering,
scared, searching,
optimistic
Looking out at you
back in at me
Locked in amazement
on the simple beauty
we find in the other
Eyes connected on the miracle.

Two travellers starting their journeys
at the same point in time
from opposite ends of a continent
Paths spiraling and circling
zigging, zagging
stopping, restarting
backtracking
randomly changing lanes
Never fully certain where
their journeys will lead
Two weary and hopeful travellers
after 15,240 days and nights
of wandering
Finally stop together to rest
at the same place - a magic place
Tired and scared and lonely
Each humming a broken melody
from an unfinished love song
He takes the load off of his feet
and looking up to the stars,
his only constant companions,
he whistles his piece of the
broken melody.

Then suddenly
every star in the sky
explodes with magnificent brilliance
And there in the night
she whistles her piece of the
broken melody
And the song is completed.
And the true journey begins.


.6:56pm

Another unproductive day. Kind of. I was awoken about 7:30am by others talking. That's okay, of course. It has to be - I'm in a hostel after all. So I went ahead and got up and emptied my wastes and made a waffle and had a cigarette then I went back to sleep until noon. Walked down to the coffeeshop and wrote a poem and shared some idle chat. Then I just came back and typed up the poem and played some Sudoku and now I'm reading "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" for the 50th time in my life.

See, even the writing is idle and unproductive. Kind of.

So I guess I've accomplished a lot today. I wrote a poem that I like. I hope Nicole will like it also.

I pray that I'm not suffering a serious case of delusion right now.

Right now I have enough to get me through June 17th. I've paid through next Tuesday, then I'll pay for another week and have a little left over for food and tobacco. That's almost two weeks. I kind of feel comfortable that I have a few days more to be useless. Then I need to get serious and find work. If it goes well (which it will), I'll make money soon enough to be able to stay longer than the 17th. I very much like this place. But then, of course, things always change. Whatever. I'm rambling at this point. That's one of the reasons that I prefer to write with pen and paper - less rambling.


.7:31pm

I had originally found this place (the hostel) through an ad in Craiglist and was hoping that this could turn into a job/living situation. As it turns out, those jobs are full now. But now there's a guy (Michael) who I guess used to own this place and comes over here a lot who is offering me a work/live situation. It would be about a month he said - room and board in exchange for about 25 hours a week of work (drywall, painting, etc). But I don't feel right about it. His personality is very intense (not necessarily a bad one, just intense). A month from now, I would be right where I am now (or worse). And most importantly, I'm seeing how things will work out with Nicole. And also importantly, I need to be trusting my intuition and my fate and this offer feels all wrong.